For software control, check out Elation's CompuLive. AMDJ also has MyDMX which is a simpler version of Compu basically. Beyond that, you are getting into the high dollar stuff that really needs console bits to be effective like Jands Vista or Hog PC. These consoles are also way more complicated the Compu or MyDMX.
As for syncing, pro's normally do this by time code. Time code is rather expensive, so your best bet would probably be Midi. As John said, none of us on here (that I know off) are Midi experts. I have never actually used it, I just tend to program really long and complicated cue stacks for songs that more or less run themselves.